one mindbending fantastic emotionally flattening year.

Its been that kind of year. Well, not ENTIRELY. Either way, I did have fun with Alma's first birthday. There was a nautical theme. Because, who doesn't look good in stripes.  I love my job, but there is a significant chunk of me that wishes that this was my life- that I had gone to school and developed actual skills to support my creative bent and could now make money doing beautiful things. But, I didn't and I love the career I have, so I threw myself head first into making paper bunting and a sailor dress for Alma and a million little toothpick flags. And a cardboard ship.

It's rather cliche to talk about how much babies grow in a year. But, its really kind of mind-bending. I have taken many a class on child development so I should not have been surprised. And yet, I was. A little over a year ago, Alma was this little tiny thing that depended on me for absolutely everything. She could not feed herself. She could not roll over. She could not hold up her head. She could not brush her teeth.

And now...  NOW, I am pretty sure that she thinks she is twelve. For the last several months, our bedtime ritual has consisted of sitting in the rocking chair and reading a story or two and drinking a bottle and then I lay her in her crib with her stuffed elephant, turn on her aquarium, cover her with a blanket, and walk away. And she's out like a light. However, starting a few weeks ago, every step included loud crying and protest which led me to reevaluate the bedtime method. Here is how it goes now. 

Step One: Alma teaches me how to read. Alma picks a book for herself and a book for me. I start reading my book and Alma picks up hers and places it over mine and "reads it". If I try to read her story, I get yelled at. If I stop reading my story, I get yelled at. She is trying to teach me how it is done and I better do it the right way.

Step Two: Bottle and Singing. She prefers The National, but she'll settle for me if someone didn't charge their iphone.

Step Three: I place her sitting up in her crib. Not lying down, she can do that herself, thank you very much. She turns on the aquarium, adjusts her pillow, and lays down. If I lay her down, protest. If I turn on the aquarium, protest. If I place a blanket on her, PROTEST. Because she hates blankets. Apparently. 

Step Four: I walk away and wonder when my baby turned into a tween. 

But, she also gives really really great hugs. And tonight, she spent 30 minutes feeding me water with a spoon. Every night, I go into her room and watch her sleep and remind her that I love her forever. And sometimes I "accidentally" trip or cough just so I have an excuse to hold her while she falls back asleep.